Trash Bitch

alpinewriter:

one-time-i-dreamt:

I was hanging around at my boyfriend’s place (in hindsight he was probably Satan) and we were just chilling, doing normal things, when a long, sleek, black car pulled up outside of his house. My boyfriend, suddenly very nervous and twitchy, told me to go and hide in the closet. When I asked him what was up, he just told me it was a “work associate” so I went and did as he said. I peeked a little bit out of the closet to see who this person was. I wanted to see who could possibly get my boyfriend, the actual Devil, to tremble in fear. And lo and behold, it was Ted Cruz.

Reflections on this post:

1. I need to read URLs.

2. “in hindsight he was probably Satan” may be the single greatest hook to a story that I’ve ever seen.

3. The levels of stress and suspense that occur in the rising action here rival that of some of the greatest survival horror works that exist on this earth.

4. “And lo and behold, it was Ted Cruz” is probably the only sentence that could make the conclusion to this story more terrifying, and ended the story in a way far superior to anything my own sense of dread could have come up with.

(via madame-macabre)

magicact:

magicact:

you know, if an adult is a nice person that’s not “innocence.” they learned how to actively be a good person. they’re not some eternal child

also i’m gonna be real why is it that being nice in general is seen as a childish or immature trait

(via starsstreak)

kidzbopdeathgrips:

prokopetz:

I think a big part of the reason I love cryptids is that they’re literally the only subgenre of conspiracy theories where you can be reasonably assured it isn’t secretly about hating Jews. Like, when people talk about aliens or lizard people or sinister banking cabals, at least 80% of the time when you look up the foundational literature it’s a bunch of Antisemitic rot and “lizard people” is just a codephrase for “Jews”, but there are very few neo-Fascist whackjobs out there claiming that Bigfoot is Jewish.

Like to bid Bigfoot “Shalom!”

Reblog to prepare him a kosher meal

(via factualfolklore)

tandembicycles:

tandembicycles:

tandembicycles:

where’s that vine of the mcelroys (?) going “HOT BOY” at a car

It was taken off of Vine but luckily it’s on Youtube, God bless.

literally every tag on this is “I didn’t know that this was the McElroys” and I think it’s bizarre and wonderful at the fact that this is probably the first vid that boomed across tumblr of the good, good boy content and I am thriving.

(via notadonutshop)

tamascotchi:

fairycosmos:

i fucking hate the way the media creates fake, ridiculous, over the top headlines like ‘people are petitioning for stargender to become a medically recognized sex’ or whatever because literally no one is seriously advocating for that and it completely detracts from the actual issues at hand. like it’s really insidious to direct anger at marginalized groups using sensationalism and lies because it’s so widely believed by the dumb ass audience of those websites/shows/articles. people read that and genuinely think that is what oppressed individuals are fighting for. it’s such a subtle yet very popular way of undermining legitimate problems and i’m noticing it more and and more, especially online, because despite everything it’s still profitable to mock and victimize lgbt people 

those types of pieces are literally made to profit off of the homophobic/transphobic outrage they generate & simultaneously force LGBT people to take the damage of it all. they’re throwing us under the bus & selling tickets to the event. how can we speak out about this, without taking a “not like other gays” stance?

(via tamascotchi-deactivated20190101)